It's funny how a thing can be impacting you, changing what you do, what you think, how you feel, and you can not know it until much later, when the dust has settled, and the tallying of consiquences has begun.
When my husband lost his job in 2008, it felt like instant freedom. Sure there was a bit of fear up front, but really we were focused on the opportunities layed before us (such as more time together, more daddying time for him, more daddy time for the boy, some freedom from full time parenting for me, and most of all, the move from San Diego to Seattle).
As the months dragged on, real fear set in. I retreated. I hunkered down. It's what I do, it's how I cope, it's where I go. 20 months later a job had been secured and employment is appreciated around these parts like never before.
Slowly I'm emerging from hybernation and begining to realize the toll my hiding has taken. In blogdum in particular the impact has been sever. First I stopped commenting on the blogs I love. Then I stopped reading them, unable to sit still long enough, unable to let beauty and sharing in. Then I stopped writing. And finally, I stop taking pictures. That was the death of me in many ways.
Now, I'm searching to find myself again, and to find you, to find connection, art, beauty, love, friendship. It's all so easily lost for me, so easily swept away from a hardened heart. Calluses form thick on that organ on my sleeve. I cannot go back, only forward, only to what is new and ever changing.
I've added a new list of blogs to the right. It's called "Friends of BAC" and it's something I've been meaning to do for, well, years now. (Wow, years!) It's a list of blogs that are supportive of BAC as an entity in that they either comment on this blog a lot, list BAC in their blog rolls, or feature something about BAC in a post. The list I had amassed used to be much longer. The decrease is collaterol damage from my dissapearing act. I can only really hope to become a presence in other's lives again-and them in mine. Well, hope, and I can work really really hard at it. I think I'll focus on the latter.
I've missed you blogging friends. I'm so glad to be finding my way back.
A blogging friend at the Giraffe Tree Head has her head and heart heavy with concern for her husband who was injured recently. If you are so inclined, a happy thought, a prayer, even a visit to herblog with some kind words left behind would be surely welcomed.