Sunday, September 27, 2009

high maintenance

To use a term my oldest friend uses to describe her husband’s dynamic within his friendships, I am a high maintenance (HM) friend. By extension blue algae is a high maintenance entity.

stone portrait 1

HM means, simply, that others do a disproportionate amount of the work of staying connected and engaged. I don’t do my fair share. It’s my greatest social failing. I’m not practiced at all. And I’m not proud of it.

stone portrait 3

That being the case I am constantly amazed (really there are no words for it) by the support that is offered up freely here in the comments section of my blog. Folks I don’t know, folks I do know who know me well enough to not anticipate reciprocity on any kind of timely schedule, support me, encourage me. I almost can’t fathom why. But then, I know, most people are good and kind. When those folks find someone lame upon the road they travel, they feel compelled to help in whatever way they can. I get that because I feel it too. Somehow though I’m always surprised to be on the receiving end of that miracle. I feel astonished and so full of gratitude that I can hardly contain it. Really, I’m getting stretch marks just sitting here.

stone portrait 2

I’m working on being lower maintenance. I want to thank them, you, even if you’ve “only” thought good thoughts for me. It’s not enough, but it’s all I got. Thank you!!

5 comments:

kendalee said...

Rachel, I feel that, as in offline life, people contribute to blogging "relationships" in so many ways... HM friends just yield different riches. Your beautiful images (even when you're not feeling entirely happy with what you're producing, I find them incredibly beautiful - ethereal and soul-soothing); your complex, creative, thought-provoking musings; your honesty about what you're feeling, feelings which often strike a chord with me... all these things engage me. I don't know you really but, whether you intend them to or not, these things touch me and so I feel a connection to you. I don't always comment but always enjoy visiting your space because when you are present here, I feel you are truly present. And that's enough. So thank YOU!

As I so often do, I'll resort to the words of others when my own fail me:

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You too? I thought I was the only one! ~ C.S. Lewis

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you. ~ Collin Raye

kendalee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kendalee said...

btw, I only used HM as a descriptor because you had. I understand exactly what you mean (I think I fall into the HM category myself for different reasons) but don't consider high or low maintenance as better or worse - just as different. I hope that makes sense! :)

shelbyisms. said...

Somebody HAS to be highmaintence. It's not terrible.

And also. I'm not sure if I'd call you that in the first place.

The Giraffe Head Tree said...

Rachel, every visit here teaches me something, shows me something beautiful, makes me laugh or makes me ponder. You are an amazing artist. If that makes you high maintenance then ... so be it! Wave your maintenance flag high - I'll always stop by for a visit!