My work, I notice, has continued to lean toward the darker side of the spectrum, if not visually at least thematically. I don’t know why. I’ve felt that I should fight this… coax myself back to the light. It seemed rational. But something else has other designs. And now, I’m tempted to go with it. Maybe there is something there that needs to be.
More than anything I thought this scene was funny when I found this unfortunate doll carelessly tossed in the toy bin at my local thrift store. Now, there is something rather gruesome about her. Maybe it’s even due to the X that I placed strategically. I thought, too, that this would come off humorously. But now, I don’t know. There is some kind of innocence violation maybe that is uncomfortable about her.
It’s not that I want to shy away from the ugly underbelly of human existence.. in fact some of my favorite artists and photographers plunge us head first into that muck. I guess I’m just surprised to have it all the sudden making it’s way into my camera instead of my mind seeking it out.
The photos I shared on Friday, in particular, have surprised me. They shouldn’t have because I’ve been thinking about taking them and working with them for months.
I’ve kept some particulars about my sense of ethics off this blog. In reality I’ve been a vegetarian for nearly 15 years now, and that decision was always based in ethics, in compassion, in basic human decency. As much strength that I gather from my convictions, I guess I fear the backlash too. I guess I fear the vulnerability that comes with it. I am a sensitive person. I care a great deal about suffering of all kinds. When I am attacked because of that compassion, it hurts doubly.
I guess I’m feeling more courageous as of late. I guess that’s why the darker side is surfacing. Maybe, somehow, I recognize the strength in myself to explore it. And, maybe, I realize the stunting of creative energy that comes when one closes themselves off to a thing that wants to be out.