Thursday, October 4, 2007

fate never comes through the front door

There are so many beautiful blogs out there, visually and literally. So beautiful it's almost painful. It reminds me of this current battle quietly knocking around in my head. I keep trying to define what this blog is about.

BAC has been about being pregnant, about being an artist, about being a mommy, about the photos I take and the stories behind them, about my personal struggles to be a better person than I have been. If I never narrow it down, I tell the part of me that has grandiose fantasies of blogdum fame, I can never hope to establish reliable readership. No readership, no audience for my art. And, let's face it, as awkward as I am at talking about my art, art is meant to be seen. That is the goal, right? But I digress.

But, I've come to realize that blogging is so much more for the blogger than the bloggee (the reader I mean). I heard myself say, just the other day, that authenticity is the most important thing in any human relationship. When your clumsy and daft but authentic, often it is forgivable. Whether one is sly or brain dead, pretense penetrates any facade and is worn like yellow highlighter all over one's face. Well, maybe not ANY facade, as there are some very good actors out there. In theory, at least, I think it's true.

So, this blog is for me. Right? And it's okay to be confused, wading through brambles, choosing wrong roads, backtracking, and beginning again. Right? It's the truest route to authenticity, to one's definition of one's self. Right? I think so, at least in this moment, and shall carry on as such. Right.

1 comment:

Cory! said...

Gosh, I feel the same way. Ever since I've created my blog (per your persuasions!) I've been torn as to who my audience is. I haven't told anyone but my mom and Dean about it because I didn't know where it was going or if I would keep it. But then my mom goes and sends an e-mail to her side of the family (she's got 8 brothers to begin with!) and for a while I pondered the blogger/blogee relationship. My mother reminded me that I hadn't posted in some time so today I did, and for the first time as if I had and audience.

There's someone out there who must be listening, right?

I heard a quote today that might go along with this theme: "Let the world change you so that you can change the world"
My interpretation? "Sometimes you have to be the sponge so that later you can provide the moisture"

:) Cheers, Cory