what they don't tell you ~

Why, why don't they tell you everything about giving birth before you do it? I cannot wrap my head around this. For example, I found that as my baby was being literally pulled out of me with forceps I felt that I was being torn in two. At the time I though, "Oh holly hell, I am going to die. After this I will be in two pieces". After that I gave up and couldn't imagine willingly going forward, welcoming the destruction of my body. Luckily I was told that I HAD to do this for my baby. I did. I had to do this for my baby. So, I embraced the destruction of myself as inevitable and cooperated. I was not torn in two, thankfully.

A year later, a friend told me that a lot of women she has talked to who have had vaginal births, which she was unable to have after days of trying her absolute hardest to accomplish (she really stuck it out and I admire her so much for her courage), had the feeling they were being torn in two. Hunh, I thought. That's funny, I don't remember reading that in any book, or on any website, and I don't remember hearing it from the myriad of people I spoke to on the road to giving birth. Could they have forgotten to mention it? Doesn't seem likely really. It's something I remember, more than a year later, quite vividly. Could it be that there is the concern in the medical/midwifery/birthing veteran community that knowing this piece of information will render us women paralytic with fear? How in the world could that be? Knowing that I will likely feel as though my body is being ripped in two, but that this feeling is illusionary would be so much less fearful then being on the threshold of birthing and suddenly feeling the unexpected sensation of medieval torture from the crotch up, and not knowing that it's totally normal and expected. But hey, that's just me I guess.