Thursday, December 8, 2005

Pregnancy Journal Entry #8: 3rd OB visit and random thoughts.

Tuesday (12/06/05) was our 3rd OB visit, and we got in trouble. Apparently we were suppose to know when making our appointment for this visit that we had to schedule our anatomy scan (ultrasound) separately. Needless to say, we didn't do that. When our OB walked into the exam room she asked why we hadn't scheduled the scan, she explained to our confused expressions that the women at the appointment desk don't know what we need scheduled and for when unless we tell them. We felt scolded to say the least. Later Kevin and I confirmed that neither of us had understood that the scan was a separate appointment and we agreed that the OB must be having a really bad day, since she'd never seemed that short and cold before.

To say we were disappointed about not finding out Bean's sex that day would be an understatement, no doubt. I actually cried. Silly pregnancy hormones. And Kevin was a bit peeved. Silly non-pregnant male hormones. All is well though. We now have an appointment for next Tues for the scan.

The rest of the OB appointment went fairly predictably. We found out our blood test for Down's was negative.. YAY! I asked about a few new symptoms which were confirmed as normal, and that was about it.

Other than allergies enhanced by preg hormones, pregnancy has been treating me pretty good lately. I've been feeling bean move off and on for a couples of weeks. In the last few days I feel him/her move around everyday. I think it's because I'm more sensitive to it and Bean's growing bigger.

It is becoming so much more real to me, and to Kevin, that there is a baby in the making. So much of pregnancy in the first trimester was my body doing weird things. I had an abstract notion of what was causing these changes, but more than anything it felt like some anonymous entity taking over my body; an incarnate possession. Now, I can feel a hardness in my belly, and a body moving around inside my own. That is the beginning of being pregnancy for me.

As pregnancy really begins in my heart I am suddenly starting to realize how different life will be. The ordinary things I've anticipated for a long time. I have friends who have kids. I have nannied for them. I've lived with them. I've seen the day to day, in the home, impact babies have on life. What I am beginning to see now are the ways a baby will have to fit into the unique qualities of my own life. Its hard to be very descriptive without going into a long account of how I live. But I do wonder, as I try to continue my life long education as an artist, will I be able to visit museums and galleries with a baby in tow? How long will it be before I take another art class? What will it be like when we travel? Can I bring Bean to my orthodontist appointments?

Oddly enough, these questions frightened me to no end during the first months of my pregnancy but now they excite me. I know there will be limits. I know things will change. But, I also know that I will have someone with whom to share the things I love, someone who will see with new eyes, and force me to take closer, more innocent look at everything.

With that dreamy note I will conclude. Soon, hopefully, we will know if Bean has a hoohoo or winkle. I'm sure I'll have much to muse about then.

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