Friday, March 19, 2010

A while.

It’s been awhile since I’m meandered toward this place.

It’s been a little bit strange to live a life of impermanence. With my husband out of work for 19 months and counting, life has slowed way way down. We make many plans for that indeterminable time when we have a job again, but nothing real concrete or time sensitive. We are treading water, not even able to sign our son up for a spot in the preschool he is currently attending because we could be moving out of state by September just as easily as we could be asked to move next week.

golden  

We have friends here, have a connection to the co-op preschool our son goes to. We have fun here, have hobbies that get us out to enjoy the unbelievable beauty here, but it’s tough to put down very deep roots while wondering if a call will come that will cause to pack up our home and ourselves again. And, as much as I’ve realized that spending money isn’t as necessary to a happy life as I thought, I have found it’s not all that easy to really plant yourself someplace without spending some on non-necessities (i.e. sports camps for the boy, book clubs and photography education for mom, trying out new hobbies for dad). by the light

Given all of this, there hasn’t been much to write about. When you have this kind of life that is wrapped around the little pleasures and details of life, the daily care and keeping of house and home, the putting one foot in front of the other until plans can be genuinely made again, your focus can turn inward toward self and family. At least it has for me. That means that most of my thoughts and energy have gone toward working on issues in my mind and heart that have long effected my relationships, creativity, ambition, and family. It’s a gift in a way. When would I have done this otherwise? After the nest empties? Sheesh. That’s a long time from now. So, I’m grateful, though it is tough at times. Part of the difficulty is that, really, knowing what I know about the issues I’m working on, I know they would not be of great entertainment or enlightening power here, for you. after and before

That leaves me with little to say. And I miss you. I miss my words and the idea of you hearing my voice. I think I need to reconceived this space, find a way for it to fit my life now. I’ll have to give that some more thought. Meanwhile, I just wanted to drop in a little visit here and let you know that I’m still here, still kickin’, still love this space, and hope to be here more, in some way that is satisfying to both of us.

3 comments:

The Garden Ms. S said...

Rachel, I've spent time in that limbo of unknowing and it can be a tough place to be suspended in. Although you can't see it now, you are growing. Try not to freeze out your creativity and keep taking photographs...even if you have to post them silently :-)

layers said...

You have such beautiful images here-- sorry to hear that life is fragile for you and your family right now- I hope good things come your way soon.

kendalee said...

Rachel, so lovely to see you here, whenever and however feels right for you. I too have felt that sense of treading water and it can be disconcerting but, like you say, a great opportunity to pause, go inwards and re-evaluate.

Thinking of you...