Thoughtful Friday: Confidence

"I didn't really know what I wanted to do

but I knew the woman I wanted to become"

Diane von Furstenberg, designer.

I don't really know what I want to be. I already know I'm an artist (that's just part of my DNA.. there is very little choice there). It's really one of the hardest questions to answer, I think because when we ask what we want to be it feels like trying to think of a mold that already exists and then figuring out how to squeeze ourselves into it.

And then, when we ask who we want to be, it can feel monumental and permanent. I want to be a great actor. I want to be a revolutionary poet. I want to be a good mom. I want to be just this one thing?

But, asking ourselves what kind of person, woman, man we want to be is asking a whole other question. It's not a box you check. It's not a yes or no. It's not an occupation or role, narrowly defined or otherwise. The kind of person we want to be is about our whole lives, about how we eat our breakfast, who we tip and why, the jokes we tell, the way we repay our friends, the fiction we read, the movies we go to, the charities we support, how we say "I love you"... It's how we live, the moments we focus on, the shape & form of our lives.

I think it's time I consider the kind of woman I want to  be... 

I've been feeling board lately.     

Someone very close to me has been urging me to own more of the confidence that I am due.

I've felt ambivalent about making art, or rather, the kind of art I want to make.

I have been craving goals and a life purpose beyond getting through the challenges of being a mom, wife, friend, artist...

Oh yes.. it is time.

The kind of woman I want to be. What an extraordinary concept.

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The photos that appear in this post are ones I created for October's {The Photo Trade} by Nectar and Light (see side bar). The theme this month is "falling for fall". Since we really don't have much of a fall to speak of here in so.cal., in fall I am usually thinking of new clothes, shiny shoes, fresh notebooks, new pencils, and a wealth of potential that comes with the start of a new school year. I couldn't decide which one to send to my partner, and since I hate to spend time on tough choices, I decided to send them all. Easy peasy lemon squeeze.

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One last note on this multipurpose post: I want to thank those who made comments on my confession post. These women touched me so greatly in their willingness to share parts of themselves which served to help me accept and befriend a part of myself. That was a gift and I am grateful.

Oh, and since they were brave enough to share theirs, I will share mine. My latest obsession is with this show. I CRAVE it. And, it is amazing!!