Tuesday, September 30, 2008

back home

and trying to get back into the swing of things. Thank you all so much for your well wishes. I got some very kind words from some very sweet souls about my trip to Seattle, and my struggle with change.

 the sound

The Sound 2008 over the side of the "Walla Walla" ferry

How strange it is to be on soil you once thought was so close, so sacred, and now seems antiquated. It's been 11 years since I fell in love with the Pacific Northwest. I thought that love would remain somehow fixed, like ice cream in the freezer. I thought I would step foot on mossy ground and all of those deeply rooted emotions, all that wonder and magic would instantly be stirred up like the muck in a fish tank when the gravel is disturbed. 583

Untitled  2008 on the "Walla Walla" ferry

I may have miss spoken. There was a bit of time travel that first night, though it was fragmented and left me feeling the inadequacies of being 23 but none of the assuredness. It was more like worlds colliding than transportation. So much about my life and who I am has changed in the last decade, the least of which is that I'm a wife & mama now. Ten years ago, I was a college student, part time employee, and a friend to a few. Self focus was my life.


Formality 2008 at the Seatlle Children's Museum

So, the excitement and magic of Seattle didn't hit me like I'd hoped. And that scared me. Was this a sign that that this was not the place to move my family? Not likely. No, it's more "vintage me" that fear is coloring my perspective. Fear of getting what I want, fear of the responsibility of moving my family and it ending in disaster (really? what's the worse that could happen? Geez, drama queen), fear of finding out that passionate 23 year-old is not just waiting for her time, she's gone.. dead.. expired..


The boy and the mama 2008 I plead wind and my husband as the photographer by way of explanation for this photo. On the Walla Walla ferry.

My adorable anxt aside, the trip was really good. Seattle was wet and cloudy and beautiful. There were trees absolutely everywhere. Old beautiful homes abounded. Coffee houses hid around every corner. A liberal mentality permeated. And!! The boy was an angel (which is no small feat since when we flew with him in March I swore I'd never step foot on a plane with him again). Apparently, children grow out of that screeching for hours on end thing. Who knew. We saw lots and lots of Seattle/Seattle vicinity. We're pretty sure we know where we want to live whenever I can admit to myself that we are moving there. 


Anonymous said...

Welcome back on familiar soil. It will all be so good even if it doesn't seem so now. Green looks so good on you! Does that help?


Anonymous said...

Wow,great visuals - the tumultuous water and the turmoil of your heart, the broom and the sweeping away of emotions, the chandelier shadows of who you were a decade ago! And thank you for the photo of you, you are beautiful, talented and loved. Need I say more?

Larissa said...

Thanks for sharing your trip. Love the observations of self and your surroundings. Love the pic of you and Owen! Good job Kevin