Sunday, May 28, 2006

Far too long...

It has been far too long since I've been here. Time has slipped away from me and momentum has come between me and writing.

When I last wrote about my pregnancy we'd just found out that we were having a boy. Kevin and I were high for days afterward. It was hard to explain but I think knowing this one important fact about our baby made it so much more real. Knowing this simple fact brought us closer to knowing him as a person, ever more separate from our speculations about who he is and closer to who he is in fact.

Our high came sliding to a conclusion when one evening a few days after out anatomy scan we got a call from our OB. She told us plainly that my placenta was low in my uterus, which happens fairly often and it had a very good chance of migrating up the uterine wall as the uterus grew. The potential was there, however, that if it did not move and stayed low near my cervix, a c-section was likely, and a premature birth a possibility. I was up late that night. I knew it wouldn't help to worry. In a month we would have another scan to see if the uterus had moved, until then there wasn't much I could do, except try visualizing the movement I hoped for. But I was worried. Here was another potential problem.

Being worried greatly diminished my excitement over knowing a bit more about Bean. I was still over the moon about him, but also I carried this little black cloud around with me. I was pissed. I think this is why I stopped writing. I felt emotionally schizophrenic and I was holding my breath for a month.

When that month past and we had our next scan it was all good news!! My placenta had moved, and was in an excellent place! I was relieved. By that time, however, I'd calmed down quite a bit anyway. I had come to realize that much of what friends and family were saying, that doctors having to be super careful to protect themselves from liability should something go wrong with a pregnancy, was right on the money. Not only do doctors have to be more thorough than they use to be (a great thing I think) they also have to communicate with their patients what the worse case scenario is and that it could happen (good and bad). I see the necessity of this, and I always want to know the truth about things, but it would be nice if doctors would spend a few more moments with their patients explaining their realistic expectations along with the worst case scenarios. I've come to realize, over the last 5 months, that some medical personnel are better at this than others.

But I digress... More about my indignity regarding western medical practices later...

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