Far too long...

It has been far too long since I've been here. Time has slipped away from me and momentum has come between me and writing.

When I last wrote about my pregnancy we'd just found out that we were having a boy. Kevin and I were high for days afterward. It was hard to explain but I think knowing this one important fact about our baby made it so much more real. Knowing this simple fact brought us closer to knowing him as a person, ever more separate from our speculations about who he is and closer to who he is in fact.

Our high came sliding to a conclusion when one evening a few days after out anatomy scan we got a call from our OB. She told us plainly that my placenta was low in my uterus, which happens fairly often and it had a very good chance of migrating up the uterine wall as the uterus grew. The potential was there, however, that if it did not move and stayed low near my cervix, a c-section was likely, and a premature birth a possibility. I was up late that night. I knew it wouldn't help to worry. In a month we would have another scan to see if the uterus had moved, until then there wasn't much I could do, except try visualizing the movement I hoped for. But I was worried. Here was another potential problem.

Being worried greatly diminished my excitement over knowing a bit more about Bean. I was still over the moon about him, but also I carried this little black cloud around with me. I was pissed. I think this is why I stopped writing. I felt emotionally schizophrenic and I was holding my breath for a month.

When that month past and we had our next scan it was all good news!! My placenta had moved, and was in an excellent place! I was relieved. By that time, however, I'd calmed down quite a bit anyway. I had come to realize that much of what friends and family were saying, that doctors having to be super careful to protect themselves from liability should something go wrong with a pregnancy, was right on the money. Not only do doctors have to be more thorough than they use to be (a great thing I think) they also have to communicate with their patients what the worse case scenario is and that it could happen (good and bad). I see the necessity of this, and I always want to know the truth about things, but it would be nice if doctors would spend a few more moments with their patients explaining their realistic expectations along with the worst case scenarios. I've come to realize, over the last 5 months, that some medical personnel are better at this than others.

But I digress... More about my indignity regarding western medical practices later...