Friday, August 12, 2005

Pregnancy Journal Entry #1 : Preconception ???

Depending on which method we use to determine my fertile period this month, we may or may not be pregnant this week. We had sex twice over last weekend,which was either too late in my cycle or just at the end of my fertile period for this cycle. It kind of drives me crazy to be this aware of my cycle and when we might be able to concieve. Our aim was to be relaxed about it, to stop the pill, makes sure I checked out physically okay, and then just see what happens. Then I started playing around with this ovulation calendar online and so this science was inserted into my conciousness. Then, when we spoke to my gyno she started talking about the best way to concieve, which was rather detailed (when to have sex, when to abstain, when to have sex every other day, etc.) and which we could only barely follow, not to mention remember. She also said "Or you can just see what happens and not think about it." I swore in my head thats what we were going to do, and I know Kevin was thinking the same thing. But I'm so excited, its really hard not to think about it, like all the time.
The soonest we can find out with the most sensitive home test is today. I really really want to be pregnant right now, but I don't think that I am. I've had symptoms this week, but they could also easily be pms symptons. I'm not that clear on my pms symptoms because I only stopped taking the pill 3 months ago and I'm still figuring out what pms is like for me off the pill. I want to take a test tonight because I'm so excited and if its going to be positive then I want to know asap. But, if it turns out to be negative that will either mean that we are pregnant but the test isn't picking it up or that we are not pregnant yet. So I will be both dissapointed and frustrated because I still will feel like I don't know for sure.
It would just be really cool if we got pregnant the very moment we started trying. So often in my life decision come slowly as I (or we) weigh all the data, and feelings, etc. in order to make the best decion possible. Its just how I work. I'm deliberate. I'm not impulsive, except with very small stuff. So did a lot of deliberating and thinking and feeling about when we wanted to start our family. We started really talking about it a year and a half ago. In the past few months we've done a lot of information gathering about some specific concerns regarding my health. Finally, we are at this point where we feel ready.. totally ready. Well, as totally ready as you can get I guess. So, it would just be great to get pregnant now that we are so comfortable and ready for it. It would be great not to have to wait longer. If it takes a while tho, I'm sure we will be able to deal with that.

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